that's gay
by sincerely-TheBreakfastClub
Summary: Baz wants some lovin from Simon after a long day. Answering the fanfiction request 'it was a long day so I want human contact from the one person I don't hate' headcanon from @great-merlins-beard on tumblr. love you 3


_Hi friends! I'm back again with a random and short oneshot when I would much rather be working on a longer, more meaningful fic. Whoops. I'm really hoping I'll be able to write more once I get a new laptop because as of right now, I don't have one. (I'm doing all of this on my Dad's computer sorry dad) Anyways, enjoy! :)_

Simon is fourteen minutes and thirty-three seconds into seeing how long he can hang off of the couch for without passing out when the front door bangs open. The door then closes, keys are thrown down on the kitchen counter, and light footsteps enter the living room. Simon suddenly finds himself at eye-level with a gorgeous pair of legs and expensive shoes.

"Hello Baz," Simon wheezes, his face bright red and his smile wide.

Baz takes one look at his upside-down boyfriend, messy curls spilling onto the floor, a small timer now displaying fifteen minutes and twelve seconds, and covers his face with his hands.

Baz shakes his head sadly, but soon warm laughter pours out of his mouth and fills the room. He can't believe he's dating a twelve-year-old.

Baz stares at Simon with fond exasperation. Who knew he would get so lucky.

And because he can't stand it any longer, Baz lets everything he's holding carelessly drop to the floor, pulls Simon upright, and plops himself down on Simon's lap, his head thudding against Simon's broad chest in one exhausted but fluid movement.

Simon dizzily wraps his arms around Baz's slim frame as all of the blood rushes from his head, and sweetly kisses Baz's cheek. Or maybe it was his nose; Simon couldn't tell because the room was still spinning.

Baz sighs softly, "Hi, Simon."

Simon's breath hitches; he'll never get over the way Baz says his name, his _first name,_ like it's something special.

"Hey, Baz," Simon responds, a little breathlessly, but not enough for Baz to notice. "What's up?"

Baz's face falls and he groans dramatically.

"Work is terrible," he mumbles into Simon's jumper. "Everyone is stupid and no one listens to a bloody thing I say. I work harder than everyone else there, but do I get any credit? No, of course not."

And to prove his point, Baz flings himself away from Simon, the back of his pale hand against his forehead, and he sighs.

"I'm so unappreciated." He punches each word out in more sighs.

Git.

Simon drags Baz back into his lap and he doesn't protest in the slightest.

"And to top it all off, Brittany is driving me up the bloody wall because no one should have that many fucking pictures of a chihuahua. It's basically a rat with a bedazzled collar. I should just eat the damn thing. That would shut her up."

Simon tries really hard not to laugh. Baz does not need to be encouraged.

"Baz, we've had this conversation. You really shouldn't eat your coworkers pets. That won't make them like you. The opposite, actually."

He pouts, "But I don't want them to like me! I hate them. I hate them all."

Simon takes Baz's cool face in his hands and kiss the top of his nose. Baz rolls his eyes, but a smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

"Oh come on, there must be someone you don't hate-"

"Nope. I hate them all."

Baz pushes his face back into Simon's chest and Simon run his fingers through his silky black hair.

"At least I'm home now, and I can be with the only person I _don't_ hate."

Simon scoffs."Wow, thanks. So glad that after being in a very happy and loving relationship with you for almost 3 years, you don't hate me."

Baz bursts out laughs at that. Simon scowls. "What are you laughing at, you prick?"

"'Very happy and loving relationship.'" he says, mockingly. "That's gay, Snow."

Simon growls at him and shoves Baz off the couch so he falls to the floor. "You're gay!"

But before Simon can do anything else, Baz stands up and suddenly he's back on Simon, pushing him down and straddling Simon's hips with his stupidly long legs. Baz is dragging his hand down Simon's chest, the other tugging at his curls, and he leans down to press a hot, open-mouthed kiss on his neck. Simon gasps and his hands immediately find their place on Baz's waist, his fingers splayed out and gripping Baz's hips tightly. He's moving tortuously slow, and by the time he's hovering above Simon's lips, Simon is desperate for it. But instead, Baz bites Simon's ear and whispers, "I wouldn't do that again, if I were you." Then Baz sits back, admiring his handiwork and smirking as Simon tries to catch his breath.

Cocky bastard. Baz is funny if he thinks Simon isn't going to do exactly what he said he shouldn't do.

Simon lunges forward and pushes him off of the couch again, harder this time. Baz looks up at Simon, lying on the floor, looking all hurt and dejected, and Simon can't help but shout with laughter. He falls into the couch face-first, laughing so hard that his stomach aches.

Simon lifts his head up from the cushions in time to see Baz sulk and flip his hair behind his shoulder, those cool grey eyes and haughty eyebrows telling Simon how much he's going to regret that.

Baz wordlessly grabs a pillow off of the floor, raises it above his head, and neatly brings it down on Simon's arse with practically inhuman force.

Simon shrieks like a banshee, and catches Baz's pale wrist as he makes the lame attempt to run away. Simon yanks him back and he trips, falling onto Simon in a tangle of thrashing limbs.

Simon quickly grabs Baz's flailing arms and pins them above his head. Swinging one leg over him, Simon plops himself down on on top of Baz.

He makes an 'oof' sound, and weakly struggles against Simon's hold. Baz soon realizes that Simon isn't about to let up, and goes limp. But then Baz grins up at Simon, like getting Simon on top of him was his only plan for the day. What a prat.

Simon leans down and bites his lip.

"Ow," Baz whines, but it doesn't look like he minds that much.

"That's for destroying my arse with a fucking pillow, you vampire brat."

Baz shrugs, and smirks at Simon cheekily, "Your arse is fine; I've done a lot more with a lot less and you know it."

Simon's face heats up and he slams his lips against Baz's, furiously kissing him as Baz's hands slither out from where Simon had them pinned so Baz can dig his nails into his back and rake his fingers through Simon's hair.

They make out feverently for a while before Simon pulls back, and Baz hisses at him.

Simon presses a chaste kiss to his cheek and knocks his forehead against Baz's.

"Sorry you had such a tough day today, but I really do think it will get better. I'm sure you can find at least one person you don't hate. And if you can't, I'll just start beating people up until they're _begging_ to be your friend." Simon says resolutely, a burning look of determination in his eyes.

Baz laughs quietly and looks up at Simon with one of those rare, adoring looks that absolutely floor Simon every time he sees it.

"Not only do I not hate you, Simon Snow, but I also love you. A whole fucking lot. You never fail to make my day one million times better."

Simon smirks at him, "That's gay."


End file.
